Baguio At Last: Target Acquired

 As you all know, I've been sent to Baguio for Teacher's Camp to learn more about how to be a good educator. This amuses me because I am an EXCELLENT educator (and yes, I'm completely professional during classes; it's only during my free time FAR AWAY from my students that I live my life the way I want), and really, I should be teaching the seminar on how to be engaging and "hip" in order to relate to the younger generation. Whatevs. Lol.

Anyway, my no-sex slump is still going on, but I think I see a way out of it. I saw a cute guy a couple of days ago, and he caught my eye and smiled a bit. We're not in the same seminars because he teaches high school kids, but I'm sure I can find a way to spend more time with him. My prospects are looking up, haha.

I asked Janine, the other co-teacher over here, to find out what his name was, and she reports that his name is Greg and that he loves his job (yay?). I've arranged to "run into him" at coffee time tomorrow, so fingers crossed that it'll go somewhere from there. Lol.


I'm SO glad I decided to keep taking my birth control pills (even though I kept getting busted the past few weeks), because now it looks like they'll be put to good use once more. ;)

The Slump: Are You There, Sex? It's Me, Vanessa...

Wow. Okay, so last Saturday was a complete bust. Only total dogs approached me, and not even my lowered standards could stomach the thought of taking one of them to bed. I swear to God, this No Sex Slump is driving me MAD.

If I don't get laid soon, I'm going to start climbing the walls. It's bad enough that I was desperate enough to go to an extra service massage parlor, (yes, I have seen the error of my ways-- more on that later), but now I can't even attract a decent looking guy at all my usual clubbing haunts! UGH.

If you can believe it, I was actually desperate enough to ring that massage boy up. I asked if he wanted to have some drinks, and he readily agreed. I mean, I wasn't expecting witty conversation or anything, but the minute we met up, he was all about jumping into bed. Of course, being desperate, I agreed to take him back to my place.

As we undressed, he casually said that he charged double what the parlor did for house calls (because I was getting full-on sex rather than just a happy ending). OMG. Was he serious?? I had him out of my condo faster than he could zip up his pants. I may have been curious enough to try paying for it ONCE, but I'm not about to do it on a regular basis. PLEASE. Has he seen my hot piece of ass? Men should pay ME to have sex with THEM!!

Anyway, I'm through with that stuff from now on. It's casual hookups and/or blind dates (if I'm desperate, Charlize, hook me up with someone, please!) for me... at least I know where I stand with those. :P

Massage Boy Blues...

So I finally found that massage place in Manila with the so-called “extra service”. It took a LOT of digging though, as all those informative Manila forums were tucked away and unnecessarily hidden! Ugh. I'm actually a feminist underneath all this jazz, and frankly I'm upset that "Gentlemen's" clubs are a dime a dozen, that massage parlours (with extra service) are aplenty, but I had to look for hours just to find one that would service a woman! How twisted is that? :P

In any case, I went over to ***** and got my massage, and after we were done, the (very cute) guy asked if I wanted some 'extra service'. LOL. Anyway, the happy ending was delicious and I don't know if it was because I'm still smarting over Edward or what, but I casually suggested we go out sometime and he totally said yes!

I guess I'm not exactly the usual matron-types who frequent *****... he must have been happy to service someone attractive for a change! ;P

I've got a date with him tomorrow evening. This guy may be just the fling I need to banish Edward completely from my thoughts!

No Man's Land... Party Pickings

 
Okay, so admittedly I've been horrible and toxic lately. What do you expect when you lay your heart out there for the first time in years and then someone stomps all over it?

I was trying to pick myself up out of my funk last Friday by throwing a small bash with Pam and Charlize, and it was completely disastrous! I must have someone Up There totally hating on me, as I ended up getting my rug puked on and dentures thrown in my face. Fuck!

I told the girls to go ahead and bring their friends to my party, and Charlize brought her buddy-buddy Jake who in turn brought an under-aged date! Wow, talk about a throwback to college days... and not in a good way! Twinkle (and yes, that was her real name) couldn't hold her liquor and ended up running to the bathroom before the end of the night, and of course she missed the toilet and puked all over my gorgeous purple rugs.

Pam was solicitous, Charlize was embarrassed, BUT I WAS STEAMING MAD!! I threw that stupid girl AND Jake out of my apartment faster than you can count to three, but of course she left me a parting gift-- her dentures flew off and smacked me in the face. Fucking fantastic.

Aside from the fact that dentures at 17 is just plain sad, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the most pathetic person there: ME. I threw the party to get over Edward, but I ended up with no date, no hook-up, and a filthy, puke-filled bathroom.

Is this an off month for me, or what??

Mortified, Humiliated, Destroyed!!

 I am absolutely mortified!! I want to die. I can't believe I let myself get so caught up in this. There I was, standing in Edward's loft, trying to find the words to tell him that I wanted to keep on seeing him, when suddenly he tells me that it's over!! ME!! I do the breaking up, not him! I can't believe I even considered not following the plan... there's a reason why I don't date beyond two weeks, and this is the EXACT reason why.

He made up some lame excuse for not wanting to see me anymore. He's busy with work, he doesn't want anything serious, he's just looking for fun... in other words, I got my OWN words slapped back in my face. How many times have I said that to some unwitting guy? I must have lost count... This is the first time I've ever gotten it thrown back in my face, and it sounds SO trite.

I want to curl up in a ball and die.........

Playing the Game Vs. Love and Relationships: Is It Just Me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Pam and Charlize both have steady guys in their lives, and they seem pretty happy with them. I, on the other hand, obviously have much more fun with all the parties and clubs I get to go to. I flirt with whoever I want, fuck whoever I want, and I do whatever I want. I'm not married and saddled with a hubby and kids at 18 (though I admit that being on birth control since I was a college freshman is responsible for that fact, haha), and I'm 100% FREE to live my life how I want to.

There was a time when I wanted the family and the picket fence with Kevin, but thank god I did the sensible thing and stayed on the pill even when we moved in together. He turned out to be such a jerk and practically ruined my life... dumping him was the best thing I ever did.

Anyway, it's been years since I thought about Kevin, and years since I ever entertained the notion of being in a relationship again. I guess this whirlwind romance of barely two weeks has really gotten me thinking.

Is Edward worth throwing away all my rules for? My two week limit is over on Saturday. According to my own rules, I've got to dump him and move on. But when I look at him, I actually *feel* something...

I'll have to see him tomorrow to break it off, but do I really want to?

I'm so confused....

Surprise, Surprise... and the walls come tumbling down

 I was supposed to see some friends today for a quick coffee, but Edward surprised me by dropping by my Eastwood condo. He presented me with a single red rose, and I swear I felt my heart skip a beat. We had dinner and talked for hours and hours. I was surprised to discover that he actually has a sense of humor, and that he's got quite a romantic side.

Am I an idiot for thinking that he could stick around longer than 2 weeks? I put my walls up for a reason... I don't ever want to get hurt again. I was in a relationship with Kevin the Jerk for three years, and those are three years that I'll never get back.

If I let my walls down, I may be setting myself up for yet another huge failure, yet another heartbreaking moment where my world comes crashing down. Hardcore relationship girls would say that that's what makes love worthwhile, but I don't know...

The sex is amazing, Edward is gorgeous and rich and everything I could ever want in a man, and yet... I just don't know...