The Slump: Are You There, Sex? It's Me, Vanessa...

Wow. Okay, so last Saturday was a complete bust. Only total dogs approached me, and not even my lowered standards could stomach the thought of taking one of them to bed. I swear to God, this No Sex Slump is driving me MAD.

If I don't get laid soon, I'm going to start climbing the walls. It's bad enough that I was desperate enough to go to an extra service massage parlor, (yes, I have seen the error of my ways-- more on that later), but now I can't even attract a decent looking guy at all my usual clubbing haunts! UGH.

If you can believe it, I was actually desperate enough to ring that massage boy up. I asked if he wanted to have some drinks, and he readily agreed. I mean, I wasn't expecting witty conversation or anything, but the minute we met up, he was all about jumping into bed. Of course, being desperate, I agreed to take him back to my place.

As we undressed, he casually said that he charged double what the parlor did for house calls (because I was getting full-on sex rather than just a happy ending). OMG. Was he serious?? I had him out of my condo faster than he could zip up his pants. I may have been curious enough to try paying for it ONCE, but I'm not about to do it on a regular basis. PLEASE. Has he seen my hot piece of ass? Men should pay ME to have sex with THEM!!

Anyway, I'm through with that stuff from now on. It's casual hookups and/or blind dates (if I'm desperate, Charlize, hook me up with someone, please!) for me... at least I know where I stand with those. :P