Massage Boy Blues...

So I finally found that massage place in Manila with the so-called “extra service”. It took a LOT of digging though, as all those informative Manila forums were tucked away and unnecessarily hidden! Ugh. I'm actually a feminist underneath all this jazz, and frankly I'm upset that "Gentlemen's" clubs are a dime a dozen, that massage parlours (with extra service) are aplenty, but I had to look for hours just to find one that would service a woman! How twisted is that? :P

In any case, I went over to ***** and got my massage, and after we were done, the (very cute) guy asked if I wanted some 'extra service'. LOL. Anyway, the happy ending was delicious and I don't know if it was because I'm still smarting over Edward or what, but I casually suggested we go out sometime and he totally said yes!

I guess I'm not exactly the usual matron-types who frequent *****... he must have been happy to service someone attractive for a change! ;P

I've got a date with him tomorrow evening. This guy may be just the fling I need to banish Edward completely from my thoughts!

No Man's Land... Party Pickings

 
Okay, so admittedly I've been horrible and toxic lately. What do you expect when you lay your heart out there for the first time in years and then someone stomps all over it?

I was trying to pick myself up out of my funk last Friday by throwing a small bash with Pam and Charlize, and it was completely disastrous! I must have someone Up There totally hating on me, as I ended up getting my rug puked on and dentures thrown in my face. Fuck!

I told the girls to go ahead and bring their friends to my party, and Charlize brought her buddy-buddy Jake who in turn brought an under-aged date! Wow, talk about a throwback to college days... and not in a good way! Twinkle (and yes, that was her real name) couldn't hold her liquor and ended up running to the bathroom before the end of the night, and of course she missed the toilet and puked all over my gorgeous purple rugs.

Pam was solicitous, Charlize was embarrassed, BUT I WAS STEAMING MAD!! I threw that stupid girl AND Jake out of my apartment faster than you can count to three, but of course she left me a parting gift-- her dentures flew off and smacked me in the face. Fucking fantastic.

Aside from the fact that dentures at 17 is just plain sad, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the most pathetic person there: ME. I threw the party to get over Edward, but I ended up with no date, no hook-up, and a filthy, puke-filled bathroom.

Is this an off month for me, or what??

Mortified, Humiliated, Destroyed!!

 I am absolutely mortified!! I want to die. I can't believe I let myself get so caught up in this. There I was, standing in Edward's loft, trying to find the words to tell him that I wanted to keep on seeing him, when suddenly he tells me that it's over!! ME!! I do the breaking up, not him! I can't believe I even considered not following the plan... there's a reason why I don't date beyond two weeks, and this is the EXACT reason why.

He made up some lame excuse for not wanting to see me anymore. He's busy with work, he doesn't want anything serious, he's just looking for fun... in other words, I got my OWN words slapped back in my face. How many times have I said that to some unwitting guy? I must have lost count... This is the first time I've ever gotten it thrown back in my face, and it sounds SO trite.

I want to curl up in a ball and die.........

Playing the Game Vs. Love and Relationships: Is It Just Me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Pam and Charlize both have steady guys in their lives, and they seem pretty happy with them. I, on the other hand, obviously have much more fun with all the parties and clubs I get to go to. I flirt with whoever I want, fuck whoever I want, and I do whatever I want. I'm not married and saddled with a hubby and kids at 18 (though I admit that being on birth control since I was a college freshman is responsible for that fact, haha), and I'm 100% FREE to live my life how I want to.

There was a time when I wanted the family and the picket fence with Kevin, but thank god I did the sensible thing and stayed on the pill even when we moved in together. He turned out to be such a jerk and practically ruined my life... dumping him was the best thing I ever did.

Anyway, it's been years since I thought about Kevin, and years since I ever entertained the notion of being in a relationship again. I guess this whirlwind romance of barely two weeks has really gotten me thinking.

Is Edward worth throwing away all my rules for? My two week limit is over on Saturday. According to my own rules, I've got to dump him and move on. But when I look at him, I actually *feel* something...

I'll have to see him tomorrow to break it off, but do I really want to?

I'm so confused....

Surprise, Surprise... and the walls come tumbling down

 I was supposed to see some friends today for a quick coffee, but Edward surprised me by dropping by my Eastwood condo. He presented me with a single red rose, and I swear I felt my heart skip a beat. We had dinner and talked for hours and hours. I was surprised to discover that he actually has a sense of humor, and that he's got quite a romantic side.

Am I an idiot for thinking that he could stick around longer than 2 weeks? I put my walls up for a reason... I don't ever want to get hurt again. I was in a relationship with Kevin the Jerk for three years, and those are three years that I'll never get back.

If I let my walls down, I may be setting myself up for yet another huge failure, yet another heartbreaking moment where my world comes crashing down. Hardcore relationship girls would say that that's what makes love worthwhile, but I don't know...

The sex is amazing, Edward is gorgeous and rich and everything I could ever want in a man, and yet... I just don't know...

Swept Off My Feet

 I'm not one to fall for the romance in any of my flings, but I have to admit that my date with Edward last night was pretty intense. We had an amazing dinner at Le Souffle, one of the classiest (i.e. expensive) restaurants in the city. Afterwards, we went back to his place and... va-va-voom!

I've found older men to be better lovers in general, and they've got the experience to back up the talk. But I have to say... out of the cream of the crop, Edward is number one. Can you say mind-blowing sex? My god, the man knows how to use his tongue! I hate to say it, but I'm actually considering keeping this one around longer than a couple of weeks...

If Pam read this, she'd totally egg me on. She and Charlize have been straight relationship gals through and through, and I guess I've been the only one who's been avoiding it. (One ill-fated relationship was enough to turn ME off of them FOREVER.)

But sometimes I wonder-- with all the men, the hot sex, and the endless parade of clubs-- am I the one who's missing out on something?

CAV is the Best Place on Earth

Nothing says class like that pricy little wine bar, and I spent last weekend nibbling on the loveliest cheeses and the most delicious of wines. Ironically, though, that didn't take up the majority of my time. I actually spent the night with the most amazing man-- Edward!

Our eyes met over a glass of the most exquisite red wine, and from the moment I put my glass down, I knew I had to have him. I sauntered over, casually asked if his glass was better than mine, and he casually offered me a sip! All class, all the way. He was wearing a suit that accentuated every gorgeous bit of him, and I have to tell you-- when I peeled it off later on, he was completely PERFECT.

I have to say, I don't usually get to meet a lot of older men, but I always find them strangely attractive. He must be in his late thirties or early forties... not too old for me, but definitely worldly and knowledgeable. I find him intriguing, to say the least!

Why do I get the feeling that I'm in for a roller coaster ride?